Sex War Is All in the Mind

Forget IQ, the Sex War Is All in the Mind! ; Research Says Men And Women Are Equally Clever (Whatever Men Might Think). So Why Are Our Brains Still Worlds Apart?
Daily Mail - January 16, 2008
EVER wondered why your partner can't seem to hear you asking him to put out the rubbish when he's watching TV? Perhaps he, on the other hand, can't understand how you can spot a dirty sock in a dark corner at 30 yards? According to new research by Professor of Psychology Adrian Furnham, of University College London, although men and women are pretty much on a par when it comes to IQ despite many men believing they are substantially more intelligent than women there are very real differences between the two sexes when it comes to how they think.

Professor Furnham says that research suggests men have more logical brains excelling in spatial awareness, which underpins navigation and numerical skills.

Women do better in 'emotional intelligence' and language mastering larger vocabularies earlier and using more complex linguistic constructions.

Best-selling self-help authors and body language experts agree.

They have explored the theories behind why men and women appear to think very differently in many of their best-selling books, including Why Men Don't Listen And Women Can't Read Maps.

They believe men and women think differently, believe different things and have different perceptions, priorities and behaviours.

Here, in an extract from their book, they explain the intriguing differences that will be painfully familiar to many readers.

Why men can't hold a conversation and watch TV at the same time are experts at multitasking.

A woman can be writing a shopping list while cooking and asking her husband to check the children have done their homework.

Brain scans reveal a woman's brain is never disengaged, even when she is asleep.

Men, on the other hand, find multi-tasking difficult.

If a woman asks a man to make a phone call while watching TV, he will find it very challenging.

In order to understand why this is, we need to look at how the brain works. The left and right brain hemispheres are connected by a bundle of nerve fibres called the corpus callosum. This cable lets both sides of the brain exchange information.

Neurologist Roger Gorski, of the University of California, in LA, confirmed that a woman's brain has a corpus callosum that is ten per cent thicker than a man's, and has up to 30 per cent more connections between the left and right hemispheres of the brain.

He also proved that men and women use different parts of the brain when working on the same task. This, and other research, agrees that men's brains are specialised.

A male brain is configured to concentrate on one specific task only, giving him a 'one thing at a time' approach.

The female hormone oestrogen prompts nerve cells to grow more connections within the brain and between the two hemispheres. Studies show the more connections you have, the more fluent your speech.

It also explains women's ability to multi-track unrelated activities and throws light on women's intuition.

A woman has a greater range of sensory equipment, so it's no wonder a woman can make such fast, accurate judgments about people and situations.

To get a man to help you out in the home present him with just one clear idea at a time. Choose your timing carefully and ask him to do just one task..

Why men can't lie to women body language research reveals that, in face-to-face communications, non-verbal signals account for around 60 per cent of the impact of the message, while vocal sounds make up around 30 per cent. The other ten per cent or so is words.

A woman's superior sensory equipment picks up and analyses this information.

Her brain's ability to transfer rapidly between hemispheres makes her more proficient at integrating and deciphering Why men can't verbal, visual and other signals.

This is why most men have difficulty successfully lying to a woman face-to-face.

But, as most women know, lying to a man face-to-face is comparatively easy, as he does not have the necessary sensitivity to spot incongruities between her verbal and non-verbal signals.

Most men, if they're going to lie to a woman, would be far better off doing it over the phone, in a letter or with all the lights off, and a blanket over their heads.

Why women have trouble with parallel parking

RESEARCH commissioned by a British driving school showed that UK men averaged 82 per cent accuracy in reverse parking someone else's car close to the kerb, and 71 per cent could successfully park their vehicle on the first attempt. Women scored only 22 per cent accuracy, while a mere 23 per cent could do it successfully first time.

Parking tests at driving schools show that women generally do better at reverse parking than men, but statistics show women perform worse in real-life situations. This is because women are better than men at learning a task and successfully repeating it, provided the environment and conditions under which they do it don't change. In traffic, however, every situation presents a new set of data to be assessed and men's spatial ability is better suited to handle this task.

An in-built spatial ability allows a man to rotate a map in his mind and know in which direction to go. If he has to return to the same location later, he doesn't need the map, as his brain's spatial area can store the information.

Sit in any sports stadium and you can witness how men leave their seats to buy a drink and successfully navigate their way back to that seat some time later.

Go to any city and watch female tourists standing at junctions turning their maps around, looking lost. Or similarly, in car parks, trying to locate their cars.

Why women value emotions, and men careers society is a mere blip on the screen of human evolution.

Hundreds of thousands of years of living in traditional roles has left modern men and women with brain circuitry that causes most of our relationship problems and misunderstandings.

Men have always defined themselves by their work and accomplishments and women define their own self-worth by the quality of their relationships.

A man is a lunch-chaser and problem solver this had to be his priority for survival. A woman is a nest-defender her role was to ensure survival of the next generation.

Even in recent times, studies conducted on male and female values continue to show that 70 to 80 per cent of men everywhere still say that the most important part of their lives is their work. And 70 to 80 per cent of women say the most important priority is their families.

As a consequence, if a woman is unhappy in her relationship, she can't concentrate on her work.

If a man is unhappy at work he can't focus on his relationships.

Under stress or pressure, a woman sees spending time talking with her man as a reward, but a man sees it as an interference in his problemsolving process. She wants to talk and cuddle, and all he wants to do is watch football.

To a woman, he seems uncaring and disinterested and a man sees her as annoying or pedantic.

These perceptions are a reflection of the different organisation and priorities of their brains.

This is why a woman always says that the relationship seems more important to her than it does to him it is.

Understanding this difference may help take the pressure off you and your partner sometimes..

Why women have a 'sixth sense' FOR centuries women were burned at the stake for possessing 'supernatural powers'.

These included the ability to predict outcomes of relationships and uncover the truth.

We conducted an experiment for a TV programme which highlighted women's ability to read body language signals.

At a maternity hospital, we showed ten-second film clips of crying babies and asked the mothers to watch them with the sound off. This way they received only visual information.

Most mothers could quickly detect a range of emotions, from hunger to wind. When the fathers did the same test, fewer than 10 per cent of them could pick more than two emotions.

In a room of 50 couples it takes the average woman less than ten minutes to analyse the relationship between each couple. Her superior sensory abilities honed from her background as a nest- defender enable her to identify couples who are getting on with each other, who's had an argument and where the competitive or friendly women are.

Men scan the room looking for exits and entries his ancient brain-wiring evaluates where potential attacks may come from and possible escape routes.

Next, he looks for familiar faces or possible enemies and then scans the room layout. His logical mind will register things that need to be fixed or repaired, such as a blown light bulb..

BECAUSE women use both sides of their brains at the same time, many find it more difficult to tell their left hands from their right. In studies it has been found that around 50 per cent of women cannot instantly recognise which is which, without looking for a ring or a freckle first.

Men, on the other hand, operating in either the left or right brains, find it much easier to identify left from right.

As a result, women all over the world are criticised by men for telling them to turn right when they really meant left.

Why women can't tell left from right Why men won't ask directions

IT'S a familiar scene.

You're driving to a party you're lost but he won't stop and ask for directions. Why? Well, it's important to understand the history of where this attitude came from. Picture this scene. The cave family is crouched around a fire.

The man is surveying the landscape for signs of movement so he can go out and hunt. His family are depending on him. They're hungry but confident he can succeed as he has always done. He must not show any signs of fear. By asking for help, a man considers himself a failure, as he has not been able to do his job.

Most women do not know that if a man is driving in the car alone, he'd probably stop and ask directions. But to do it when she is in the car makes him feel like he is a failure.

To deal with this, a woman needs to make sure that she doesn't make a man feel wrong when she discusses problems with him.

A man needs to understand that a woman's objective is not to make him wrong; it's to help him, and he should not take things personally.

Study Reveals Link between Breastfeeding And Child IQ
The Independent - London - November 06, 2007
Babies who are breastfed stand a better chance of becoming intelligent children if they also inherit a version of a gene that is involved in the growth of the brain, researchers have found.

Two large studies of breastfed children confirm that mother's milk does indeed raise IQ in later life - if combined with a gene involved in the metabolism of fatty acids.

Scientists believe the discovery blows a hole in the "nature versus nurture" debate, as it shows that there is a hitherto unconfirmed interaction between our environment and the genes involved in brain development.

Terrie Moffitt and Avshalom Caspi, the husband-and-wife team who carried out the work at King's College London, found that the IQ advantage for breastfed children was only true if they had inherited the "C" version of a gene known as FADS2, which handles fatty acids in the diet. Breast milk is known to be rich in fatty acids, and these compounds are also thought to be important in certain aspects of brain development, such as the growth of nerve endings and the production of neurotransmitters - chemical messengers in the brain.

It was already accepted that breastfeeding increases a child's IQ significantly, but some critics of earlier research pointed out that in the West this may be because higher social classes tend both to breastfeed their children and spend more money on their education than lower social classes. The latest study, published in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, claims to have eliminated these potentially confounding social factors.

"Our findings support the idea that the nutritional content of breast milk accounts for the differences seen in human IQ. But it's not a simple connection: it depends to some extent on the genetic make-up of each infant," Professor Moffitt said. "The argument about intelligence has been about nature versus nurture for at least a century. We're finding that nature and nurture work together."

About 90 per cent of the population have the "C" version of the FADS2 gene, so most babies could potentially benefit from breastfeeding in terms of a raised IQ.

A study has also shown that breastfed babies have a lower risk of developing heart disease. Scientists told the American Heart Association that breastfeeding is linked with lower weight and higher "good" cholesterol levels in adulthood.

(C) 2007 The Independent - London. via ProQuest Information and Learning Company; All Rights Reserved

Unlike their sisters in the animal kingdom, human females don't openly advertise their ovulation. But even without a human version of the baboon's bright pink behind, signs of fertility sneak out, according to several studies. Subconsciously, women dress more provocatively and men find them prettier when it's prime time for conception. And a report from the University of New Mexico demonstrates that the cyclic signs have economic consequences.

Psychologist Geoffrey Miller and colleagues tapped the talent at local gentlemen's clubs and counted tips made on lap dances. Dancers made about $70 an hour during their peak period of fertility, versus about $35 while menstruating and $50 in between.

Miller links the wage fluctuations to changes in body odor, waist-to-hip ratio, and facial features. Despite operating at the upper limits of flirtatiousness already, he says there may also be subtle shifts in their behavior—"how they talk and move when enticing a customer to buy a dance, and how they perform the dance itself."

Women on the pill averaged $37 (and had no performance peak) versus $53 for women off-pill. The contraceptive produces hormonal cues indicating early pregnancy, not an enticing target for a would-be suitor. Birth control could lead to many thousands of dollars lost every year.

The researchers were surprised that almost no one in the business had noticed the pattern before. But if you're a woman in any service-industry job looking to maximize your tips, Miller suggests scheduling more shifts for the phase right before ovulation: "It might help to know about this so that you can exploit these effects."

Human beings crave intimacy, need to love and be loved. Yet people have much trouble doing so.

It's clear from the many letters I get that lots of folks have no idea what a healthy relationship even looks like. So I'm using this space as an attempt to remedy the problem.

From many sources and many experts, I have culled some basic rules of relationships. This is by no means an exhaustive list. But it's a start. Print them out and pin them up on your refrigerator door.

Choose a partner wisely and well. We are attracted to people for all kinds of reasons. They remind us of someone from our past. They shower us with gifts and make us feel important. Evaluate a potential partner as you would a friend; look at their character, personality, values, their generosity of spirit, the relationship between their words and actions, their relationships with others.
Know your partner's beliefs about relationships. Different people have different and often conflicting beliefs about relationships. You don't want to fall in love with someone who expects lots of dishonesty in relationships; they'll create it where it doesn't exist.
Don't confuse sex with love. Especially in the beginning of a relationship, attraction and pleasure in sex are often mistaken for love.
Know your needs and speak up for them clearly. A relationship is not a guessing game. Many people, men as well as women, fear stating their needs and, as a result, camouflage them. The result is disappointment at not getting what they want and anger at a partner for not having met their (unstated) needs. Closeness cannot occur without honesty. Your partner is not a mind reader.
View yourselves as a team, which means you are two unique individuals bringing different perspectives and strengths. That, according to relationship expert Diane Sollee, M.S.W., director of SmartMarriages, an international effort to teach relationship skills to couples, is the value of a team—your differences.
Know how to respect and manage differences; it's the key to success in a relationship. Disagreements don't sink relationships. Name-calling does. Learn how to handle the negative feelings that are the unavoidable byproduct of the differences between two people. Stonewalling or avoiding conflicts is NOT managing them.
If you don't understand or like something your partner is doing, ask about it and why he or she is doing it. Talk and explore, don't assume.
Solve problems as they arise. Don't let resentments simmer. Most of what goes wrong in relationships can be traced to hurt feelings, leading partners to erect defenses against one another and to become strangers. Or enemies.
Learn to negotiate. Modern relationships no longer rely on roles cast by the culture. Couples create their own roles, so that virtually every act requires negotiation. It works best when good will prevails. Because people's needs are fluid and change over time, and life's demands change too, good relationships are negotiated and renegotiated all the time.
Listen, truly listen, to your partner's concerns and complaints without judgment. Much of the time, just having someone listen is all we need. It opens the door to confiding. And empathy is crucial. Look at things from your partner's perspective as well as your own.
Work hard at maintaining closeness. Closeness doesn't happen by itself. In its absence, people drift apart and are susceptible to affairs. A good relationship isn't an end goal; it's a lifelong process maintained through regular attention.
Take a long-range view. A marriage is an agreement to spend a future together. Check out your dreams with each other regularly to make sure you're both on the same path. Update your dreams regularly.
Never underestimate the power of good grooming.
Sex is good. Pillow talk is better. Sex is easy, intimacy is difficult. It requires honesty, openness, self-disclosure, confiding concerns, fears, sadnesses as well as hopes and dreams.
Never go to sleep angry. Try a little tenderness.
Apologize, apologize, apologize. Anyone can make a mistake. Repair attempts are crucial—highly predictive of marital happiness. They can be clumsy or funny, even sarcastic—but willingness to make up after an argument is central to every happy marriage.
Some dependency is good, but complete dependency on a partner for all one's needs is an invitation to unhappiness for both partners. We're all dependent to a degree—on friends, mentors, spouses—and men have just as many dependency needs as women.
Maintain self-respect and self-esteem. It's easier for someone to like you and to be around you when you like yourself. Research has shown that the more roles people fill, the more sources of self-esteem they have. Meaningful work—paid or volunteer—has long been one of the most important ways to exercise and fortify a sense of self.
Enrich your relationship by bringing into it new interests from outside the relationship. The more passions in life that you have and share, the richer your relationship will be. It is unrealistic to expect one person to meet all of your needs in life.
Cooperate, cooperate, cooperate. Share responsibilities. Relationships work ONLY when they are two-way streets, with much give and take.
Stay open to spontaneity.
Maintain your energy. Stay healthy.
Recognize that all relationships have their ups and downs and do not ride at a continuous high all the time. No relationship is perfect all the time. Working together through the hard times will make the relationship stronger.
Make good sense of a bad relationship by examining it as a reflection of your beliefs about yourself. Don't just run away from a bad relationship; you'll only repeat it with the next partner. Use it as a mirror to look at yourself, to understand what part of you is creating this relationship. Change yourself before you change your relationship.
Understand that love is not an absolute, not a limited commodity that you're in of or out of. Says Sollee: It's a feeling that ebbs and flows depending on how you treat each other. If you learn new ways to interact, the feelings can come flowing back, often stronger than before.